Relationships are… complicated!
When I was out at my favorite outdoor exercise place the other day, I ran into a guy I used to be in a “relationship” with for a few months. It was nice to catch up for both of us since we no longer were in contact with each other. After we had parted that day, I thought about our time together happily knowing that it wasn’t meant to reconvene. It had been great sex, lots of laughs for a very brief period of time yet every phone call, date, or text from him was riddled with his anxiety, his narcissistic personality, and constant financial woes. It became a little too much for a casual dating thing, so I ended it as he became an energy drain for me.
As with most new affairs, we see what we want to see…
We may ignore some obvious “red flags” in the other person. It might ruin the ride, though save a lot of wasted energy on someone that has a lot of baggage that one can handle. No one is perfect but in our hearts, there is something “just right” about our new potential partner flaws and all. All of our characteristics come to life as we open up to one another whether it be the physical, mental, and emotional sides or a combination. We like their eyes, hair, lips, body, or maybe their charm, laugh, or something that is difficult to describe to anyone else. Although not a Barbie or an Adonis but their inside confidence makes them appear unique, more attractive, and desirable.
Dating after the age of 40 is (ha ha) interesting and cannot make up some my encounters. My brief online dating experiences should be added to a Comedy Central Skit since my friends got a lot of chuckles hearing my stories. After my divorce I learned a lot about myself; my tendencies and shortcomings (though they may be a few LOL). That adage: with age comes wisdom means I have learned to curb my tongue (doesn’t mean I’m not thinking it), say NO emphatically to lots of guys or what does not work for me, and know that I like being with a man whether short or long term but enjoy my alone time or just hanging out with my friends. I am a great fifth wheel.
A new intimate friendship is vulnerable, fun, and hopeful with great possibilities. Some people tend to fall right in and it works out for THE happy ever ending. Good for them! Those that have dealt with a few never happy endings I say this: Don’t give up on yourself! You are the most important person in any partnership. Truth! If one is too forceful, unkind, or disrespectful to the other can be a pre-cursor to more of the same. Be brave and stand up and if possible, get out. No one deserves unkindness of any kind.
Relationships will go from simple to complicated, fun to very serious in no time at all. We learn to adapt to unite our individualities so that we can be with that certain someone. Don’t forget YOU: it is what attracted your partner to you in the first place. Compliance means yielding to another’s ways and a little goes a long way. Being yourself is the key and most importantly will help to open the door to new possibilities between you and your partner for an easy and loving rapport that works for both of you.
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