Few things are as wonderful as love. Few things are as awful as when it is gone.
There are all types of pain in the world on all kinds of levels. The crack of a broken heart is in a category all its own.
Avoiding pain is a natural reflex. No one wants to be unhappy. But, when the subject is romance, people can go to extraordinary lengths to prolong the devastating blows of separation. Either from a desire not to be alone, or from a profound desire to sidestep the grief, cutting the ties with someone you love is an ordeal. But there are times when it has to end, forever.
What can make the task harder is when there is love on both sides. When circumstances and behaviors make a healthy relationship impossible, making the break is tougher because no one has fallen out of love.
Love in a situation where one person feels deeply and the other less so can be just as hard to end. Hope can be so strong that one endures a one-sided situation believing that someday it will improve. Denial wields a powerful influence. Making excuses, or simply not seeing the obvious, can keep one in a relationship that needs to end. Another set of eyes experienced in matters of the heart can provide much-needed insight.
Relationship advice from a reader can make the invisible visible. A reading can help you move forward.
Once you have assessed your situation, now it is time to take action. This is the hardest part. Depending on the circumstances, addressing the person directly can provide an ending. The pitfall here is when the conversation is open-ended.
It is one thing to tell someone, either by voice, in person, email and so forth that you want to part ways. It is not an ending when these correspondences turn into conversations. Once you have stated your feelings, it is time to go. There is no need to make this a long drawn out affair. You want out and you want to do it with dignity. End of story.
Ending a relationship with violence does little good. What it does is that it tears you down and could lead to even more conflict. It is one thing to state your reasons, it is another to make it violent. Remember, you do not need permission to leave a relationship. Closure is the day you go.
Delete, unfriend and never look back.
After you have made the choice to leave, it has to be total. Phones numbers, addresses all of those things have to be erased. Keeping that information means you do not want to end it. Keeping open an Instagram account, or Facebook, or whatever just invites you to make contact. To stay connected on the internet to see someone’s whereabouts says you care. Delete, unfriend and never look back.
Speed is critical. Closure does not mean taking a long time to do this. Once you leave, do not wait for days and weeks to change locks, delete emails and the like, do it quickly.
One way to make sure love is over is to hide the pictures, or destroy them. Naturally with spouses and children, this is far more problematic, but if possible destroy all photos and the like.
When ending a relationship, you are saying it is over, not I am waiting. Cut with the precision of a surgeon. The faster you act, the sooner the pain passes.
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