I can forgive, but can I forget?

We have all seen or heard the quote: to err is human, to forgive; divine.

And man it is so easy to SAY we forgive… but do we really forget?

What about when a spouse cheats on the other? What about time after time you trusted someone but their actions time after time disappointed in so many ways? Do we get past it or can we learn a lesson from it?

Relationships are what they are and yet there are many unspoken facets to each person that can be an asset or a deficit depending on their role. Strengths and weaknesses show through and the more stress between a couple, those fight or flight modalities start rearing their heads.

Fighters want to keep the home feel strong but tend to get on their partners to step up. Now the Flighters escape; they hide and have difficulty with stress. So sometimes they find new relationships because it is easier to pretend that everything is “better” with someone else. It is not just men that do this either! Both men and women that cannot “deal” with home life try out a “new model” so to speak. Yet the devastation is massive; the drama and the betrayal, etc.

IF (and that is a big if) the couple is able to make it through and try again, then there are repercussions to the actions. A couple tries therapy and now the fun REALLY begins: “he was never there for me”; “she never listened to me”; “she put the kids first”; “he told me I was fat or ugly or not good enough” on and on and on! They say they forgive each other and some relationships are stronger than ever! Communication is key to the lasting couples. Overcoming infidelity is quite a feat but it is also about loving the other person flaws and all.

Trust is a fantastic trait and it is also an honor that we bestow on our parents, siblings, friends, and later on intimate relationships. It is funny to write but how about this: how much do you trust YOURSELF to do the right thing? This isn’t a judgment yet if you think about it more it really rings true. If we can almost ALL the time do the right thing by the people we are associated with then (I believe) those will do right by us. Our strengths mirror their strengths and we put 120% to ourselves and others; work and home, etc. We can find flaws in anything but before we decide to get on our partner’s case step back and breathe. Their strengths may be different than ours so find the good in that person. We both said we trusted each other, loved each and cared about each other enough to make a home together. Put it together and it makes for a happier (or at least more peaceful household).

We can always take something away from our stressful issues or situations. Did we learn anything? Did it make us stronger? Did we overcome and did we get anything useful out of it? Life can be an awesome adventure every day or it can be horrible. It all depends on how we interact with those that make the biggest impact in our daily lives. Living a positive life means that we overcame something and are truly grateful to enjoy another beautiful day. (It’s better than being six feet under).

Remember: WE ALL HAVE FLAWS!

Forgiveness and learning to live in the NOW brings us to a happier and more loving relationship of all kinds. And somehow those situations just don’t matter anymore!

Everything comes down to love in the end!

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